In Our Own Voice

So, obviously, I haven't decided if I really want to blog.  Well, with it being more than 2 months since my last post.  Things are going really well with my family and me, and next Saturday and Sunday I will be attending a training to be an In Our Own Voice Presenter with NAMI Maryland!  I have to admit, I'm super-excited about being trained to share my story with other people!  I am also going to be taking a class called Peer-to-Peer offered through NAMI Maryland as well.  I'm looking forward to going to that and possibly getting trained to teach it, if all goes well.
Tis all for now :)

Its been a while...

Well, it's been a long while since I last posted.  Sometimes I just don't feel like posting.  That's just about the only reason why I haven't done so.  Anyway, life is good and I'm just enjoying living!!  I am doing really well emotionally, and have reacted pretty well to a recent let-down that Stace and I experienced.  We are working on alternatives to the problem, if that is possible.  But I did well and have not decompensated like I used to do! I'm actually pretty proud of myself!
I am running my first-ever 10k race next Saturday, June 1st, and just received my shirt, number, and coupon to get my free goodie bag on race day! Getting my race stuff in the mail today has totally gotten me super excited to run!  I generally run in intervals, so my goal for next Saturday is to run for 5 mins then walk for 1 min for the whole race! My race, my pace.
I will post pics after the race :)
Here is a pic of the stuff I got today!

Fun night out!

Yesterday, Stacey and I went to her 10-year college reunion!  It was a Hollywood themed party, and Stacey and I, being the crazy, fun people that we are, decided to do Hollywood OUR way!  We dressed up with tux shirts, bright fedoras and bright, fun glasses!  LOL  It was tons of fun to hang out with her college friends and be silly!  We stayed out pretty late, and normally I don't do well with that, but I only do it occasionally, and was fine last night and this morning!  Yay!  I love my honeybear so much!  She is such a good, beautiful person, on the inside and the outside, and there is no one else I'd want to be crazy-silly with besides her! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Me with my crazy hat and shirt on :)

 

My honeybear and me <3

 

 

 

 

 

Us with our whole costumes on! 

Living magnificently!

President Obama just announced that May is now Mental Health   Awareness Month! I'm very happy about that, and I hope you are too!  My hope for this is that people will realize that everyone is affected somehow by mental illness, and that we are not scary! 

Now I want to move on to the original purpose of this blog.  I want to tell you all about how I live magnificently despite having Bipolar Disorder! It's true...I love my life, but I didn't always!  These ten things that I have changed about my life are the reasons why I love my life!   This post is long, by the way, but I hope it's well worth the read :)

1. My wife, Stacey...she is the best thing that ever happened to me!  She always has loved me unconditionally and with her whole heart, as I love her.  She is my rock and I love her so much!

2.  and 3. Max and Oliver... Max is our 10-year-old min-pin/beagle mix and he is the light of my life!  He is quite independent and likes to be by himself sometimes but whenever I am having a bad day he always snuggles really close to me...he knows.  Oliver is our 8-year-old bishon/poodle mix and he is a rescue.  He is so sweet and loves me so much.  Along with Stace, they are the other best things in my life!

4. Medications...I have been told by many people that a lot of those with mental illness do not take their meds. I have to take my meds or I cannot function!  My doctor and I have come up with a good cocktail of meds and they help tremendously!

5. Therapy...I have been with my therapist for 6 years and she is amazing! She knows me better than anyone except Stacey.  I don't know what I would do without her to vent to and get advice from!

6. Running...I just started running in August of 2012, and now I can run up to 10 miles!  It helps me so much with my symptoms and is a great way to feel accomplished and get fit!  I have run 2 5ks, going to run 2 more 10ks, and just registered for my first Half-Marathon in October.  I'm excited!

7. Eating healthier than I used to...It's hard, and I mess up a lot but now I am consious of what I'm eating and try to eat better.  Most days I have a fruit shake for breakfast, a chicken caesar salad and activia for lunch, and a good dinner.  I try really hard to eat well!

8. Not working...due to the symptoms of bipolar I would get while working, I decided to not work and become a housewife. I love being able to go at my own pace while doing the cooking, cleaning, laundry, dishes, grocery shopping, and taking care of our boys!  And luckily, Stacey and I have been financially able to make this happen.  I am also on Disability and get a monthly stipend from them.

9. Not talking to my family...I decided three and a half years ago to stop talking to my family.  This was a tough decision to make, but ultimately, it was the best decision for me.  I mainly stopped talking to my mother for a lot of reasons, and then everyone else followed.  I currently e-mail my mother, but don't talk with anyone else except for one of my step-sisters.  Stacey's family is more my family, and I wouldn't have it any other way!

10. I went on a meditation retreat in June of 2012.  I was watching Super Soul Sunday on OWN last year and they were showing a film about prison inmates who went through a 10-day Vipassana Meditation retreat.  Afterward, they were less angry, more calm, and at peace.  I decided that I needed that and found a meditation center not far from my home.  I went and it greatly helped my symptoms and helped calm my mind down. I am going again in June of this year!

I have also realized that I have limits and try to stay within them.  Like I know that I need more sleep than others if I am to stay well, so I sleep more.  And I don't do very well with nighttime acvitivites, so I try to do things during the day.

There are more things I do to stay well, but that just about covers it!  My hope for all of you is that you can find the things that help you to live magnificently, and do them!

I posted the pictures, too.  The first one is of flowers that my honey gave me!  She gives me flowers a lot :)
Second one is of Stace and I being silly!
Then there is Max, then Ollie and me, and then my beautiful honeybear (that's what I call her).

My family :)

This is just a test. I think i figured out how to post photos from my phone to this blog.  Will officially post tomorrow with pictures :)

Oy.

Most people, including myself, would say that I am normal and happy 99.9% of the time.  But there are days, like today, when I am frustrated and a bit upset.

There aren't many of these days lately (thank God!), but there still are some.  I was having a pretty good day today until I went to see my psychiatrist.  He is a very nice, smart man. I will say that.  And I actually like him, which is tough for many people to say about their psychiatrists, I'm sure.  But, Dr. M, we'll call him, is so unbelievably slow that I can't stand it sometimes.

I have been seeing Dr. M for almost 3 years which, sad for me to admit, is the longest time I've ever been with any one psychiatrist.  He is a character, but then so am I, so we work pretty well together. 

Dr. M recently moved offices.  Well technically I moved where I see him.  I used to see him at his office right down the street from where I live, but he decided not to see patients there anymore, and he has two other offices, so he suggested that I go to one of his other ones if I still wanted to see him.  And I do.  He's a very good doctor, and he's funny and we get along well.  But sometimes he annoys me so much that all I can say is "oy".  And I'm not Jewish.

He was very slow today, and was in some sort of mood, and not only did I not get called back until 30 minutes after my scheduled appointment, but I was also in his office for an hour.  I've never, ever been in his office for that long.  He was fixing my chart, then fiddling around on the computer, asking me questions here and there, staring at me oddly, sticking his tongue out at me, and saying weird things to me for so much of the time that I finally said (when he still had his tongue out) "Seriously?! Can you stop looking at me like that?!  You're giving me a complex!"  So he smiled and went on to do something else.

Last time I went to see him (which was my first time at his new office), he was strange, but not as bad, so I just didn't do much talking and just fidgeted a lot until the visit was over.  I just wanted to get out of there because he was frustrating me and being weird then, too. 

Today, he left my chart open and left the room to tell the office people something, so I casually glanced at what he had written about me last time. (I know we're not supposed to do that, but I figured 'what the hell, it's MY chart.')  He had written that I told him I was good, but that he observed that I was anxious and irritable. 

It bothers me that as a psychiatric patient (which I will always be because I have Bipolar and it isn't going away anytime soon), I am more judged by my actions than a person with a medical illness.  There is a reason why I seemed anxious and irritable last time.  It was HIM!  He was being crazy, and so I was didn't speak much and was fidgety.  But, he didn't write that, did he?!  I can only imagine what he'll write about me after today!  LOL

As a person with a mental illness, I feel judged most of the time by people that know that I have Bipolar.  But I shouldn't be.  Most aspects of myself are NOT a result of me having Bipolar.  Sometimes I am fidgety.  I ALWAYS like to do things quickly.  Most of the time, I want everything done my way (don't we all?).  Sometimes I say things I shouldn't say (speak my mind).  And I am almost always loud and sometimes obnoxious.  But most of those have absolutley NOTHING to do with me having Bipolar.  Those are just aspects of my personality.  And they should be taken as such.  Like when I am really happy, I don't want people to think that I'm hypo-manic and need to be "dealt with" or some other phrase people use.  Can't a girl just be happy sometimes?  And when I'm having a bad day or become easily frustrated or upset, I'm not depressed.  I'm just frustrated or upset.  These are normal human emotions.  And they should be taken as such.

My doctor knows that if I am terribly depressed, I will check myself into the hospital to keep myself safe.  We have an agreement, and I have done that once before.  And I really do feel like he "gets" me.  Even though he is a crazy ass.

So I have questions for all of you with mental illnesses, or who know someone with a mental illness. 

How do YOU get along with your mental health professionals, namely psychiatrist or therapist?

And, do YOU ever feel like people judge you for simply having a normal emotion, like I described above?

My First Half-Marathon!

I LOVE to run!!!

It is my stress release, it helps with my bipolar disorder, and is a great way to get (and stay) fit!

I started a walk-to-run program while in physical therapy after having surgery on my knee in July of 2012, and I have been addicted to runnig ever since :)

I started out only being able to walk for a little while, like 30 mins, on a really low speed on the treadmill at my gym, and now I can run 10 miles!

I will definitely write more about my love of running in later posts, but I wanted to let everyone know that I am doing my first-ever Half-Marathon on October 20, 2013, in Hershey, PA!  I'm super excited and can't wait for October! 

Even though I can't register until Wednesday, I was able to set up a fundraising page today.  I can do what I love (run) while getting support for sick children in Pennsylvania in the Children's Miracle Network!  It's a win-win situation!

If you'd like to support the kids and sponsor me, here is the link:
www.pennstatehersheycmn.org/campaign/megsfirsthalf

Thanks in advance for your support!